Cloudy Visions
by Snoopytoes
Summary: Into the minds of Carter and Abby during The Letter: 2nd chapter uploaded
1. Part One

Summary: What if something totally different was going through the mind of Abby during the 20 second stare in The Letter?

Rating: Somewhere between PG and PG-13

Spoilers: I'm reconfiguring The Letter, but most all of it

Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the ER characters, so please don't sue me**

Author's Notes: This first chapter is short, mainly because I don't know how it will go over. It's a different twist to the episode. Please review and tell me what you think and if I should go ahead with this idea. Also, ------- indicates a change in POV, all POV is done in Carter or Abby.

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No title as of yet

One single water droplet fell from the black sky that loomed over our heads, breaking me out of the trance that was hanging between us, thick with anticipation and wanting. Our eyes were locked together, the intensity so strong, it crackled. Words seemed pointless at this time, one move was all it took.

Was I willing to make that move? But more than that, follow through after it?

A million thoughts seem to be running all around, crashing into one another and meshing together, nothing understandable anymore. All coherent thoughts gone.

Her hand glides to my face, studying me, her eyebrow raised. Her eyes pierce mine, stinging to the very core of my being.

"You okay?"

I blink, as if the attempt would clear my mind from the clutter that lingered behind my skull. I swallow as her emotional grasp on me tightens, and my throat constricts. This was her effect on me, and I couldn't do a single thing about it.

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Slowly but surely, I'm realizing how badly Carter has it for me. So what if I play the game for at least a little while? Things could get interesting if only he would make the move. And he will.

I smile inwardly and applaud myself for the feeling I had on him. I could play this game and I was going to have fun, he had no idea what he had put me through emotionally. I would just have to let him know about a few things. I'm going to play this game, and play it well.

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My gaze tears away from her eyes, resting her lips, turned slightly in a pout, making them even more irresistible. Her hand gently caresses my cheek, her smooth hand grazing over my rough 5 o'clock shadow. I close my eyes for a split second, trying to regain conscience.

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His head dips slightly, I could no longer read his eyes. But I knew what he was thinking. "_I can't kiss her, it wouldn't be right."_ He looks up slowly, our eyes meet, silence ensues. I curse silently and ignore the fact that he was supposed to make the first move. Quickly, I duck my head, allowing our mouths to meet.

I flutter my eyelids and watch as a slight blush crosses over his features as his gaze falls from mine. I was reeling him in, he was taking the bait, and I was planning on running with it.

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To be continued..............................................................


	2. Part Two

Summary: Enter the twisted minds of Carter and Abby

Rating: somewhere between PG and PG-13

Archive: I'd be honored, just ask

Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the ER characters, so please don't sue me**

Author's Notes: Just one thing I ask: Review and I'll love you forever. Click that button at the bottom.

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Cloudy Visions

Thousands of thoughts race through my mind, disrupting any peace that existed. There was a time that this would've be perfect, and actually right. But not anymore. Because I know what this is really about. And I could kill him for it.

Does he think I'm not grieving? A man died, it hurts. I know I didn't know him as long at Carter did. But the hurt and realization of the loss of life is still there.

A consolation prize. That's what I was. He broke up with Susan, although nothing was ever spoken about it, I knew it. And here he was, several weeks later, kissing me. Like he doesn't have anything else better to do.

Who does he think he is? Romeo? Does he think he can woo me and have me fall into his arms, so we can live happily ever after? This is the real world. And this is my life we're talking about, I don't get happiness, or fairy tale endings.

The rain starts to fall harder around us, the precipitation wetting both our faces, making them glisten. My gaze catches a puddle at my feet, the light from the streetlight in combination with the rain, sends brilliant rays of the reflection throughout the puddle. Different colors swirling around, and the light catching them at just the right moment, almost like a prism.

I look back up at him to see a small smile filtering through his lips, he opens his mouth to say something, decides against it, and closes it once again. I tilt my head and somewhat flirtatiously laugh, it's sound penetrating the silence.

"What now?"

He blinks slowly and lets his breath out slowly, his lips forming an O.

"You tell me."

I raise my eyebrows, the emotions starting to churn again, everything except romance.

"I'm supposed to have all the answers?"

He sighs. I tense up. So the circle continues. It's no different than before. We keep dancing our dance.

"We can't ignore the fact that we kissed."

Something between a laugh and giggle escapes through my mouth and nose, creating a sarcastic, even cynical noise.

"Really? It looks like we're doing that now."

He ducks his head and then quickly brings it back up, a mixture of emotion spilling out from his eyes.

"It meant nothing to you?"

I process these thoughts. A war is taking place inside my mind. I swallow and run a hand through my hair, discovering exactly how wet it is as the rain falls harder.

"Timing."

Thunder rumbles in the distance, a small fragment of lightning flashes pure white against the black sky.

"Excuse me?"

I sigh and quickly shake my head, it's obvious he knows nothing about me.

"See, you don't get it. You don't get *me*."

Mirroring my actions as before, he raises an eyebrow, enough to make me start losing my patience.

"I know you're hurting, I know you've been through hell, and I know you want that hurting to stop. But you think you're powerless to make it stop."

Well well well. Here we go again. Professor Carter makes an appearance.

"Ah, here comes the psychological lesson. What else do you know about me, Dr. Carter?"

He pauses, as if struggling to decide whether or not to proceed. Against his better judgement, he does.

"You can make it stop, Abby. You can. If, if you would just......"

His sentence trails off into the wind, but I pick up where he left off.

"If I would just what? Just what, Carter?"

I'm pushing his limits. I can see his chest rising and falling from the anger, frustration, and whatever else might be pumping through his veins.

"If you would just stop acting like the world revolves around Abby Lockhart, and stops instantly once something terrible happens. Until you pick up the pieces, and then life goes on. Let me tell you something, life goes on, Abby. Whether you like it or not, it does."

I lean back and watch him as his outburst comes to an end. The thunder slams loudly against my ears, causing me to jump slightly. Slowly, Carter reaches out his hand, placing it on top of mine, as if it would calm him, and me. I pull my hand away awkwardly and don't have any problem putting on my annoyed expression.

"Abby......"

I stand up, pulling my jacket tighter against my body, to protect me both from the rain, and from the hurtful words I can't seem to get out of my mind.

"As enlightening as this was, I should get going. I'm on tomorrow night."

A quick glance at my watch tells me it's already morning, I swallow and tuck my flying hair behind my ears, not doing much good.

"Or more like just tonight, girl's got to have her beauty rest, right?"

He steps forward, I step back, making my point. He ignores it.

"Abby, don't do this....."

That does it. I throw up my hands and let an exasperated laugh escape through my lips.

"Don't do what, Carter? Ignore the fact that we kissed? Happens all the time. Deal with it, maybe I'm the first woman to reject you, but get over it. We're total opposites, we don't get along. What more do you want me to do? I'm fed of up with this...dance. I'm sick and tired of it, so I'm done. It's over, Carter."

We both stand there, the rain falling around us. Booming in the distance, thunderstorm does a good job of mimicking our thoughts and actions.

"There was nothing to be over with in the first place."

His words catch me off guard. They pierce my heart, and I feel at loss at what to do. I replay the phrase told time and time again through my mind, attempting to believe it.

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'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.'

Oh how I wish those words were true. One more gaze is exchanged between us and we both walk off in our separate directions. Both hurt. Both alone.

As I walk, the rain pelts me, with no relent, but I'm numb to it. Suddenly, I feel a different kind of emotion.

Defeat.


End file.
